You know how some families have loads of activities that weigh them down each season? Like tennis and baseball and swim team and lacrosse and ballet all at the same time?
Yeah, we’re not like that. We have loved the “one or none” approach with our kids thus far. But this spring has felt a little different. Due to all kinds of circumstances, it seems like our family’s extra-curricular has been therapy.
Today we met again with a fabulous counselor who focuses on adoption related issues. Dave and I have been seeing her for a few months to recalibrate our parenting approach for our littles. We parented fairly traditionally for 10 years, and then January of 2014 our parenting needed to change when the littles came home. We still find ourselves drifting back towards the familiar- whether it seems to be what they need or not.
Through these past few weeks of meeting with our counselor, we’ve been reminded just how differently brains develop when attachment and nurture are not present from birth. It still baffles me to consider just how long lasting this lack of connection can impact a person. Our world has been hard lately. And yes, just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s bad; it’s just hard. But y’all. It’s been really hard lately. And it’s not like it’s just one child or just the littles or all adoption related issues. It’s what you get when you lump seven selfish sinners in the same space.
I keep finding myself praying the same prayers, crying over the same issues, asking the same questions. And a lot of the time I have to speak truth to myself. I need to hear my people speaking this truth over me when I can’t find my voice or look up.
Psalm 62:5 says “For God alone, O my Soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him”.
I need this reminder- to wait- and I need to be taught to wait well because honestly a lot of the time my waiting is frankly, not well. It’s wallowing in self-pity or doubt or fear of the hard. It’s questioning how long life will be like this for this person or that person. It’s begging for an end to a struggle just so I can keep my head above water and dear Jesus, not lose my ever-loving mind again today. It’s fighting to release control of situations to a loving God becuase I white-knuckle clutch my life and my choices because letting go just feels too hard.
So I need the truth. I need my soul to be silent. My hope comes from God alone.